Reflection Friday

So with this being the last Friday of the year, I've been doing some reflecting and I'm learning that while I've been supporting and cheering for a ton of authors over the years, this same energy isn't being given to me now that I've taken on this new platform of my life. I have over 1400 (just shy of 1500) books in my Kindle library because reading is my life. It's what gets me through good and bad days. Do you know how much it hurts to be in a field where support is free yet its not given? I'm wondering how other new authors feel because for me, it's almost devastating. It makes me wonder why I'm even doing this? Why, I'm even giving myself this time? Why I've stepped out of my closet? Why I write at all? Then another still voice reminds me that I write not for fans, not for support, not for the bandwagon, and contrary to popular belief, not for money. I write because I discovered that I LOVE it. It has given me an outlet when all hell broke loose in my life. It has given me the ability to create adventures that are important to me. So no matter how many buy my current books or the books that I'll write in the future, I won't quit.

Thanks to my bomb friend and phenomenal author Tiffany Patterson who challenged me to just "try" to write my first book while I was searching for an escape from the pain of watching my dear mother in law go through her final stages of life. I realized that not only was I able to think of something to write but I had the ability to see it to the end. Meeting Dr. Feelgood, started out with us talking while I sat in my car at a hospice facility. The book at the time was gonna be named Seduced because I "thought" it was gonna just be an erotica read. Well I learned that there was more to be told than sex. After being able to create the prologue, something in me turned on and the words flowed so freely out of me. I wrote for hours on end and I wrote everywhere. I downloaded Word onto my cellphone, and tablet. I spent almost every minute engrossed in Kayla and Myles. The words just came and I truly enjoyed writing them. Heck, I remember thinking that it was a fluke until one day book two popped in my head and I had another moment of clarity. The funny thing was that that moment came in the end of Kayla and Myles' story. I remember my sister/friend reading it like, uh what happened and how did you switch gears and right now. I didn't get her meaning until my editor got a hold of it. Boy did she get me together fast. LOL. But at that moment something else clicked and I knew that this was the beginning of something wonderful. And fluke it was not. I've heard other authors outline their passion for writing at a young age but for me I never knew that this was in me. Imagine my surprise when I realized that the ability to write was in me. Granted I hold a Master's degree and have been in school for a long time and I had the ability to write 5 - 8 page papers within a day but I still didn't realize that this was in me. I loved writing papers for school and don't let it be about a topic that I was passionate about, the words jumped on the page. And I never got anything less than an A. Yet, I didn't know that this passion was lying dormant. Tiffany Patterson will NEVER know how much I appreciate her unlocking this for me. I called her my gate keeper in book one because she held the key that was necessary in my life. I'm forever grateful to her.

Yet, somewhere along the way, I've let others and the pressures of being an author drown out my ability to love writing. Well on this last Friday of the year, I've decided that I'm done with all of that. I've discovered that people will eventually find Riley Baxter and when they do, she'll be ready. Her works will continue. And thankfully at this moment, there are 5 works in progress in varying stages of their journeys. I'm looking forward to great things in 2019. It is my desire that you'll catch on and journey with me.